I know the above picture looks pretty, and honestly it was exactly what I think gnocchi should taste like: light, pillowy clouds that melt in your mouth. However, the final outcome did not come without frustration and a mini meltdown.

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a risk-taker in the kitchen. Do I love to make the Tried & True thin crispy chicken cutlets or crunchy topped eggplant parm frequently? Of course. But I also like to try recipes I’ve never made. Instagram has been quite an inspiration board for me. I’ll see people post to their stories all types of gorgeous things that spark joy for me: homemade breads, homemade poptarts, a chocolate babka (a 2-day affair for me that didn’t turn out as I had hoped) whipped coffee (still on my radar to make), and basically anything that I can make with ingredients I have on hand in my kitchen.

Being Italian, pasta is in my blood, red sauce in my veins. Homemade pasta is something I tried for the first time this year, hoping I’d be able to feel the pride that I’ve seen so many home chef’s feel. My first project a few months back was ravioli. I felt that “wow, I made homemade pasta and it was actually beautiful and delicious”. I was proud of myself! Fast forward four months, many viewed gnocchi-making-instagram-stories later, and I was ready for my next homemade pasta project: Gnocchi.

It seems so easy! And if you search Google, all that pops up are “Easy Homemade Gnocchi” “Homemade Gnocchi So Easy You Can’t Mess It Up” (not really that last one, but might as well have been). My initial wanting to make this, was watching Chef Andrew Carmellini from Bar Primi and Locanda Verde make gnocchi on Bon Appetit’s insta-story. He made these little pillows in about 10 minutes, from single ingredients to a fully cooked pasta in a beautiful butter and mint sauce.

So, I was ready. After googling a few different videos and recipes, Chef Andrew’s was the one I wanted to make (his recipe is here: Homemade Gnocchi). His was the only one that had parmesan, olive oil and melted butter in the dough, which seemed like so much added flavor. The only thing I didn’t have was a potato ricer (which, I immediately ordered from Amazon once this whole ordeal was over), but seemed like I was able to use a potato masher and warrant the same results.

Chef Andrew starts by baking his potatoes instead of boiling. He said that with gnocchi, water and excessive flour is the enemy, so the more water you’re adding (boiling), the more tough the gnocchi is gonna be. OKAY, great, baking the potatoes is what I’m going to do. I also could have sworn I saw him making his potatoes on a bed of salt, but since it was an Instagram story, it had expired and I couldn’t go back to view it. And in his recipe, there is no mention of a bed of salt (has this quarantine gotten to me that I am imagining salt beds?). I’ve also just heard in the past, that the salt bed will help keep the potatoes light and fluffy. Whatever the reason and things I made up in my head, I decided to try it.

It says to bake for an hour or so, and the flesh of the potatoes will then be able to be easily scooped out. I pierced them, waited an hour, took them out and they easily sliced. Great! One step closer to homemade gnocchi. However, when I tried to scoop the flesh out, it was tough, as if not cooked all the way through. I powered through and tried to press through a mesh sieve. It was too chunky and hard, and didn’t budge. Back to the oven for another half hour…….same result. Was I going crazy?? Why was it taking 1.5 hours to cook potatoes?? Anyways, another half hour goes by, and I said: whether they’re fully cooked or not, I’m making it work. I try again, and they were much more pliable. I put the flesh in a bowl, and start mashing. Let’s start by saying, my potato masher SUCKS. It’s the one that comes with the big kit of kitchen appliances I probably bought at Target (not knocking Target, I love that place). But any pressure applied to the masher, it bends. I tried my best to mash the heck out of it, but I still had clumps of potatoes. It wasn’t that silky smooth potato that I saw Chef Andrew make. I was already fed up, so I said, I’m using what I go and my boyfriend will just have to pretend to like it.

Once all potato is mashed, I add my parm, olive oil, melted butter and salt (recipe called for pepper, which I would have used if I had white pepper, but I only had cracked and didn’t want pieces of pepper running throughout the gnocchi). I start to add my flour and have it come together. One of my how-to videos specifically said NOT to knead it *which obviously my first reaction is to knead*. Just fold and press, and use the bench scraper. Magically, it starts coming together and I’m actually pretty impressed….until I have to roll it into “snakes” and cut the 1″ gnocchi. Didn’t I do this in pre-school? Roll out PlayDoh into logs? WHY couldn’t I do it now?? It was breaking, it wasn’t rolling, it was a mess. CUE the breakdown. I see everyone making gnocchi, in fact, this girl on Instagram’s 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER was pressing the perfectly smooth dough onto the Gnocchi Board (that little wood block with ridges). I tried and tried and tried. I got so fed up…….I threw out the dough.

I almost called my boyfriend crying. I took a deep breathe, realized I had more potatoes, and decided to try my hand again.

This time….much more of a success. This time, I boiled the potatoes, not caring about any extra water that went in. Much smoother this time around, the potato was cooked! I was able to bend my masher back and use it to the best of its ability (I still ordered my ricer on Amazon). In regards to the flour, maybe I added more this time? I think I was scared to add too much last time in fear of having gummy gnocchi. But they rolled into logs, and came out beautiful, like I’ve been making them for years.

LONG STORY LONG……..sometimes your dream recipe, for whatever reason, just doesn’t want to work. The temperature isn’t right, the consistency is off, the dough is breaking. It’s frustrating as hell. But don’t give up!! Take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, maybe take a little walk, and try again!